Why are you hanging on to it? Are you getting some type of satisfaction from it?
What am I talking about? Resentment which I define as holding onto a perceived or real hurt caused by another or yourself.
If you didn’t know, the Big Book of AA stated that resentment is the number one offender of alcoholics. Meaning, if they don’t deal with them appropriately, they will drink again. And for them drinking means death or institutions.
Resentment is one of those burning thoughts/emotions that likes to hang around. It’s like we are programmed to play around in the muck that resentment causes until we finally have had enough.
I was hurt badly and deeply last October when my employer said to me in a letter that they no longer needed my services. What? Huh? What did I do deserve that? Absolutely nothing except trusting another person’s word. And to top it off, to add insult to injury, they replaced me with the person they had fired (cause she had her termination overturned). Ouch!
I mean I really liked this job. I liked the residents. I liked my work day. The pay and benefits were nice too. I even said to myself and out loud, I plan to retire (when I am 80) from here. Boy, oh boy was wrong. Here I thought I was doing God’s will. Helping soldiers when I am a strict pacifist. But I was just being open minded…
I had run up against a justifiable, huge reason to have a resentment. But I really didn’t want it, but my head said to keep it and stoke its flames. But I didn’t want too so I reached out to a long-time friend and colleague for advice. Even he, with over 60 years of professional social work experience had to “get back to me” on this one.
By the time he did (24 hours or so), I had already decided I needed to move on from this resentment before it caused me too much misery. I did what I was taught in AA, forgive the person and/or situation that I am resenting. This was a very tall order for me but I asked God (as I understand him) for strength to forgive and he did just that.
Remember forgiveness is to help you move past it, not for the other person so that should make it easier to do at times. I strongly advise you to “deal” with all of your resentments as soon as you can. Open your heart and mind to forgiveness and you can too can move on, instead of being stuck in the muck of a resentment.