My Life…Your Life

Good Sunday afternoon! If you are a Bulls and/or Thunder fan, it is definitely a good day.

Today I want to start a new dialogue. Quite simply, instead of referring to one’s “past”, let’s just refer to one’s “life”.

U see I get tired of hearing about how “your past” affects your present. How “your past” shapes who you are. How you must let go of “your past” to move on. Move on to where?

So what I am proposing is looking at “your life” as a whole not in parts (past, present and future). For example, during “my life” I have done some good things and not so good things. During “my life”, I have learned a lot about LIFE.

By taking this angle, you get out away from blaming others and events from “your past” for how you ended up “today”. You simply look at your life as a bunch of experiences, some good and some not so good. Really, when it comes down do it, that’s what life is: “our experiences”. 

I experienced being part of a great team of friends and competitors back in high school and college. That experience really didn’t make me who I am today. It was simply “my experience” as part of “my life”. I experienced many years of higher education and again those years didn’t make me who I am today. It was simply an experience of learning and socializing. 

Part of this “my life” angle is the premise that I really don’t think you can truly “let go” of anything. Everything that I experienced in “my life” is still a part of me, rather small or big.

The other part of this angle is that “my life” has gone so fast. I remember vividly receiving my high school diploma (some 29 years ago) and really it feels like just yesterday. Where did all of that time go? It just went and I had experiences. Some good and some not so good.

Think about what I have just postulated. Instead of fretting about the past or the future, just strap in and experience LIFE to the fullest of your abilities, interests and whatever else!

God Bless U!

 

Satchel Paige

With the recent release of the movie 42 about the first Black man to play major league baseball (officially), it got me thinking about where did the Black man play before April 15, 1947 when Jackie Robinson made his debut for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Well, my research led me quickly to a guy I have never heard of which is quite sad. It is amazing how the media can get us to focus on what it wants us to focus on. It’s like this guy I found didn’t even exist.The remarkable man is LeRoy Satchel Paige (born Page).

I got most of my intel from Larry Tye, the author of Satchel, the Life and Times of an American Legend.Satchel was born in 1906 and ended up stealing some trinkets which led him to be placed in a reform school for “Negros” (I hate that title). Yea, they had institutions just for Black youngsters. However, Satchel’s destiny was sprung from this placement because he met a man who taught him how to pitch a baseball.

Satchel signed his 1st “professional” contract as a pitcher in 1926 for the “Negros” league. Yea, that is where the Black man was while only the White man was given the right to play in major league baseball. Unbelievable! But true.Satchel would go on to play baseball, 12 months out of the year. That means he didn’t take a rest like players do today. And he didn’t just pitch every few days like they do today, he pitched almost daily at times.

Satchel pitched against many of the greats like Joe DiMaggio who said that Satchel was “the fastest pitcher” he ever faced.Satchel had such great control, that he could knock down match boxes placed at home plate from over 60 feet away. He was a great self promoter (kinda like Deion Sanders was a few years back, I suppose). Satchel said, “I gave White people what they wanted.”

Satchel finally got his chance to play in the majors in 1948 with the Cleveland Indians. He was the first Black man to pitch in the majors. In his first seven games, Paige went 6-1 with an ERA of only 2.48 (at the age of 42, the oldest “rookie” ever).

The MLB record books record Nolan Ryan and (66′-93′) and Cap Anson (1871-1897) as having the longest major league careers at 27 years. But our legend, played professionally for 39 years. He played his last baseball game at the age of 59 in 1965. Incredible! Satchel was rightly voted into Baseball’s Hall of Fame in 71′. Tye said that Satchel had “baseball’s most prolific career” ever.

Suicide can be Prevented!

Two recent suicides got me thinking….and you know what that means…I have to write a post or two.

The first person who put a firearm in her mouth and pulled the trigger “had” been a successful country singer. She leaves two young children behind.

The second person was the son of a pastor of a very large church out West. He was only 27 years old.

What did these two people have in common, I believe? They both suffered from severe depression. Not the “feeling blue” or “down in the dumps” crud but the real deal.

Severe depression in this country is taken so lightly because it is (like many illnesses) misunderstood or not understood. Severe depression keeps a person from finding joy in their daily life. Severe depression keeps a person unmotivated to do anything, including taking care of basic needs.

Severe depression has many causes. Some of the causes that change the brain’s chemistry are: guilt, shame, and anger. A lot of people are abused in some form or another in this country and all three causes mentioned usually come along with that abuse.

Generally, people who suffer with severe depression “attempt” to self-medicate with alcohol or illicit drugs. However, whatever chemical it may be, it only provides short term relief for the sufferer but that doesn’t stop the person from continued use of the substance.

For some fortunate souls, their severe depression is “cured” or in remission per say. They have usually dug to the root cause(s) of their heavy cloud, deal with it and move on. Others like the two I mentioned at the top of this post just don’t dig deep enough and/or soon enough which leads to the tragic results of untreated or mistreated severe depression.

I get so tired of hearing that suicide is a selfish act. For the sufferer they “believe” they are a burden to others and they just can’t take any more pain, so ending “their” life seems like the only option at the time. That’s why it is so important to intervene when someone is suicidal (thinking and talking about suicide).

So I implore you, take the illness of severe depression more seriously and if you or someone you know is suicidal, intervene and get the help they truly need.

 

 

 

A-N-G-E-R

The five letter word that no one wants to talk about.

“I am not angry. I am just a little upset.”

“I am just pissed but I am not angry.”

“I got aggravated but not angry.”

It is ok…to get angry.

Getting angry is part of being a living, breathing person.

The reason people don’t want to talk about “it” is because they are afraid of anger.

They see anger like when the big, bad wolf got angry in the child’s tale.

I am angry right now as I write this because my laptop screen keeps collecting little particles on it and it “irritates” me. Yes, irritation is anger.

I think the most common level of anger people experience is “frustration”. Due to peoples’ limited amount of patience and tolerance for things that don’t go their way, frustration tends to sneak in often.

Since I am a “professional” mental health provider, I have heard and read a lot that anger is just the “secondary” feeling, covering for the “primary” feeling that lies under it.

Meaning, if I show anger, there is something else going on underneath that anger like “disappointment” or “hurt”. I don’t buy that, really.

I think disappointment can cause anger but one can experience anger without any other feeling.

So most of us were exposed to the big, bad wolf and how mad he got when the three little pigs wouldn’t let him in their homes. The wolf became so mad, that it turned into rage which is usually when bad things happen.

When one escalates to rage, he usually loses control and causes damage to someone or something like when the wolf “blew” the houses down.

IF we don’t cope with our everyday “anger” properly, it can turn into rage eventually.

I believe that is what happened with O.J. Simpson when he killed his ex-wife, back in 94′. Yes, O.J. did finally confess to killing her in a book that he helped put together. O.J., in his own words, had been trying to cope with Nicole’s unstable behaviors for years. She was up and down and all over the place. But, on that night, the perfect storm of anger formed and O.J. blacked out and killed her. I have to give to him credit though, he really attempted to cope with her the best he could for years but finally snapped.

I believe that is the reason behind so many other domestic killings, especially the murder-suicide types. The spouse attempts to endure and endure but one day he or she snaps, unable to cope anymore with their anger toward that person and probably the world as well.

The same thing happens with child abuse. The parent, unable to keep coping with their child’s “unwanted” behaviors, that he or she severely abuses the child they say they love.

So I have looked at the downside to anger, but what about the upside?

When used properly, anger can be the catalyst for change. If one doesn’t get angry, why should he want to change?

Do you think Abraham Lincoln was angry about the practice of slavery? Damn right he was! When he first witnessed slavery as a young man in New Orleans, he was so angry with how one person mistreated another just because of their skin color, it motivated him to WALK all the way back to Illinois. From that point on, his anger pushed him to end slavery as we knew it.

Yes, my friends, the next time you get angry, don’t suppress it, use it for good. And if you are having difficulty doing that or coping with someone or some situation, share it with someone you trust. It is simply amazing what can happen when we share our struggles with the right person.

God Bless you!

“Talk” Therapy anyone??

I just read an interview with Jimmy Kimmel (late night talk show host) that he participates in “talk” therapy twice a week. I think I heard that Dave Letterman has also participated in “talk” therapy. “They” say (whoever they are) that comedians are generally pretty depressed people so it makes sense that they would seek therapy.

Ok, I hope you get the message that this post is about psychotherapy not physical, occupational or any another other type of therapy. I will now just use the word therapy the rest of this way.

Recently, in a “meeting”, a guy said that he knows a guy who has been sober (from alcohol) for over 35 years and he is in therapy. Oh know, watch out, since the “old-timer” is in therapy, that means he is just inches away from a relapse. Not…it probably means that he is healthy and sane enough to know he needs a “listening ear” in this world of “non-listening ears”.

I had a phone conversation with an “long-time” friend this am and she had posed some questions about therapy. I thought my words were useful and insightful so I decided to share them here.

In my humble opinion, one of a therapist’s tasks with a client is to help them “see” what their potential could be if they are so inclined in pursuing it. The next task is to help the client see the roadblocks to their potential so they can make needed changes in their environment if they so choose to do so. Personally and professionally, seeing a person not strive or reach their potential is very sad. I believe our creator, God put us on this earth to find and reach for our potentials, among other stuff.

Now comes the rub, people love to talk about their potentials but they don’t like to talk about the roadblocks. You mean I have to give up using alcohol? You mean I have to end that unhealthy relationship? You mean I have to stop spending money on that so I can have money to further my education and/or training?

Yes, to all of the above and more. Then there is the basic utility of therapy, listening to their client’s share their life struggles and how they are coping along the way. I actually took a “listening” course in my undergraduate studies. I thought it would be an easy A but it wasn’t, the instructor was good. However, then and there, I learned about the importance of listening in this world of talkers.

Please honor and respect someone who is participating in therapy. The therapeutic process may end up saving their life or changing it for the better. Take care..of yourself and each other.

 

 

 

 

18 years, one day at a time…

All I will do is share my experience, strength and hope with you…

I have now been sober for 18 years. That means I have not used alcohol in 18 years.

I put down my last bottle of beer and I was “directed” to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) by my creator, God on 2/24/95. I had been in AA for a few months back in 94′ after my psychiatrist “diagnosed” me (finally) as an alcoholic. However, I wasn’t done yet and relapsed until 2/24/95 when God told me to get my butt back to AA and this time STAY PUT!

And that my friends is where I have been for 18 years, in AA, apart of AA, loving AA. Using alcohol is only symptom of the disease of alcoholism. A big symptom nonetheless, but just one symptom in this fatal disease that most people still after Bill W. and Dr. Bob started AA way back 1935, simply don’t or won’t understand.

The driving force between alcoholism is thinking distortions or errors. No alcoholic (when still using alcohol) will believe they have thinking distortions, but they do. Hence, why they can’t tell you they do.

That is why I still attend and participate in AA after almost two decades, because my thinking still needs regular check-ins and check-ups. I get that at AA meetings where I believe God speaks through those at the meetings so I can hear what I need to hear, to make it another day in this very troubled world.

I was recently in a relationship with an active alcoholic. I loved her dearly but she left because I believe she wasn’t ready to give up the cunning, baffling, and powerful liquid called alcohol. I wanted so badly for her to “get it” and to stay sober with me. I saw a great life ahead for us if she did. But like millions of others of alcoholics, she wasn’t ready to surrender and get the help she needs.

I just finished watching the movie, Flight, starring Denzel Washington and Kelly Reilly. As the case in most of Denzel’s movies, it was a good one. Denzel plays a pilot who saves the day but can’t save his life until…he gets honest with himself…and that my friends, is the key, honesty. I had to get honest with myself before I could get honest with God and you. Believe me, honesty in this world is tough to come by but I have to practice it diligently or I will die and I am not ready to die yet. God isn’t through with me yet (here, that it is).

There is a great line in Flight when Denzel’s estranged, grown son asked him, who are you? And he replies, that is a good question…

As I look back on another year of sobriety in recovery, it has been another tough one (unemployment, termination, betrayal, lost love) but I am continued to be very blessed and honored to be sober today.

Disasters: A Different View

1/28/86……………..4/19/95……………..9/11/01…………

In my middle-aged brain, these three dates are seared into it. The first: the Space Shuttle Challenger with a teacher on the crew exploded only 73 seconds after lift-off. The second: the OKC bombing set off by a very rageful, military veteran and the last one: Bin Laden taking control of airplanes and spawning the “War on Terror”.

Yesterday, since I had 30 minutes to play with, I ventured over to the OKC National Memorial where the Alfred Murrah Federal Building once stood proudly. As I walking by the iced covered reflecting pool that lies between the two golden gates marking the time before and after the explosion on 4/19/95, my thinking turned to the survivors of that infamous day in OK and American history.

So much has been said about the 168 humans who lost their lives that terrible day, but little has been said over the last 18 years about the humans who survived that day. I came across the “Survivors’ Wall” that is part of the outline of the 168 empty chairs and started to ponder about the survivors of that tremendous blast.

How many actually survived in the Murrah building? What are their lives like now? Did any of the kids that were in the building’s daycare survive, since 19 did not that day.

So I did a little research on the survivors and actually found very little. The mayor of OKC on the 15th Anniversary (I would rename it to the 15th Remembrance) said the following, “We have chosen strength, We have chosen optimism, We have chosen freedom, We have chosen to move forward together with a level of unity that is unmatched in any American city.”

The next year, the governor of OK said the following, “The memorial is a testament to the sacrifices of those killed and injured in the bombing, as well as the rescue workers who worked tirelessly to pull survivors from the rubble.”

Of the 25 children in the building’s daycare that day, six survived and you can check out their stories on CNN.com. One reporter asked one of the young survivors, “Why do you think you survived that day?” She replied humbly, I guess I have something important to do with my life. Another young survivor who is now a college student remarked that he treats his life as a “gift” and appreciates what he has.

There were 255 adults to make it out of the Murrah building alive that day, with 93% of those injured in some way. A study was conducted of 182 of those adults and was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association on 8/25/99. There was a 46% fatality rate inside the Murrah building and 45% of the 182 survivors developed post-disaster psychiatric disorders, with PTSD leading the way in 34% of the cases.

Fortunately, 69% of the 182 received some type of mental health intervention but only 16% actually were treated by a psychiatrist.

I mirror what one of those younger survivors said, we really need to treat each day we have as a gift and further, treat each other as gift as well.