The Pros of Being Single and the Cons of Being Married

5 Aug

My Aunt and Uncle celebrated 50 years of marriage bliss last weekend and it got me thinking about writing this post on being single or being married.

First off, I have married two women in my (almost 46 years: 8/8) and I also been divorced from those two ladies. My total marriage time: 48 months or 4 years for those of you who are math-impaired. Yes, the first union was for the wrong reasons  along with feeling pressured (I was almost 27 years old). “I have to get married.” The second union, I married for lust and not for love. Yes, I admit, but at the time, I thought it was love.

I know I am no marriage expert but I have observed a lot “wrong” marriages in my time and I have only seen very few “right” ones. I am also not a relationship expert by any means, but I know what doesn’t work in relationships. I “should” know, I have had my fill.

Recently, I was exposed to some information about relationships and marriage. First off and this is the most important, men and women alike usually have what is known as the “tingles” for each other and that can last up to two years only. The tingles are simply that one feels “insane” about the other person and he or she has no faults. And nobody can tell you otherwise. For instance, I strongly told my younger brother not to marry his now-of-course-ex-wife because I could see what he couldn’t see. A few years later, after she got what she wanted from him, he was history.

The other thing I learned about relationships recently is that we all have a “language of love”. We all need to hear from our partner a particular language and they have their own language that they need to hear from us. The five languages are: quality time (you need quality time with your partner), words of affirmation (you need to hear them say “I love you”), acts of service (you expect them to do stuff for you, ie wash the dishes), physical touch (you need affection from them in some way) and gifts (you need to receive a gift from your partner every now and then). My love language is quality time. If my partner doesn’t give me quality time, I am not a happy camper. Hence, why I split from my second wife. What is your love language? Is your partner speaking to you like you need?

Now, to the Pros of Being Single:

1) Since working in a nursing home, I have met several “male” residents who have already lost their spouse and how that devastates them. Hence, first pro: nobody to lose when you are older, just find someone else.

2) I believe single people learn and grow more than marrieds. Being married, you get stuck in a rut and conform to your partner’s interests.

3) Nobody to tell you what to do. And this is a biggie for me. Who ever wanted a boss? Not me.

4) More freedom being single, and from my cousin’s viewpoint “our freedoms” are being taken away constantly by this government, so why let a partner take your freedom?

5) Less responsibility: I only have to take care of me. Not a partner and possibly a bunch of snot-nosed kids. LOL

6) You only have to focus on making yourself happy, which is a lot easier to do than trying to please your partner.

7) Go where you want, when you want. Oh, honey, I don’t want to go there, you know I can’t fly. Oh, honey, I don’t want to go camping, I don’t like bugs. Oh honey, I don’t want to be outside all day, my skin will dry up. And on and on it goes…

Obviously there more pros to being single but it is time for the Cons of Being Married:

1) Your partner dies and then what do you do without that person? U get depressed, confused, you isolate, you grieve forever….

2) U are always thinking to yourself (of course), did I settle? Everyday, you meet someone prettier or smarter or funnier than your partner but you are stuck with you know who.

3) Less chances to learn from others since when you are married, there are usually restrictions on who can see and where you go and what you can do.

4) U care less about yourself because you are more other centered which means you probably will neglect your “real” needs and wants.

5) Boring, boring, routine, same old same old: being married to the same person for years and years, no thank you. Tired of their stupid little quirks and annoying habits, no thank you.

6) Less Freedom, there’s that Freedom word again plus more responsibility and who needs more of that?

7) U have to make her happy…impossible…maybe? But it takes a lot of energy and who has that much energy?

8) U can’t experiment (fully) sexually, unless, of course you are in a “swingers” situation.

9) U always have to be in control and keep those temptations to stray at bay. Good luck with that.

10) Did they really marry me for me or just my bank account (s)?

11) Can I really trust this person?

And the list goes on and on….

The greatest sector of the population is the “singles”, meaning living alone (doesn’t mean they are lonely) at about 25% of the total population. Wow! Maybe that 25% have learned what I have learned (in the life of hard knocks). God Bless!

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12 Responses to “The Pros of Being Single and the Cons of Being Married”

  1. Norma August 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

    EXCELLENT!!!Staying single is definitely the best idea esp for us old farts!!!The reality of physical limitations with aging does play a big part in how one looks at relationships at this age however!!Some 50 yr marriages are really just a big sacrifice on one or both of the partners part as far as I am concerned–

  2. Ron bates August 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    I think that hits the nail on the head without
    Smashing your thumb… Lol

  3. James N. Miller August 5, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

    Dear Friend, although my marriage has by no means been 56 years (8/11) of continuous uninterrupted bliss, I’d have a counter-point to just about every point you make, while recognizing validity in your points of view as well, If ‘life is about me’, single is surely the way to go. If ‘life is about us’, and then ‘them’, life can grow broader, deeper, and more meaningful. And at my age it’s nice to know who my support group is, without having to ‘just find somebody else’. Still, important relationships with new people keep on forming Maybe your theme could be “marriage is best for some, but maybe not for all”.

  4. laurie August 5, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    I have not experienced the marriage thing yet i think i am doomed to be single for life.But i have had a committed relationship for 7 years and was very much in love the best part was everything we did was together not just one sided we did have are ups and downs but we never stopped talking,until the last i being the more homebody chose not to go out to the bars and party did that and out grew it so i got dumped for a younger version well needless to say single again and at least i do not have to worry about partying anymore but now i am lonely sometimes and i miss the talks and the touch and the laughing the crying but at least i just have to worry about me now so being committed and being single have there good and bad points.Great topic cousin of mine love ya

  5. Sven August 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    Excellent post.

    • lifechangecounseling August 6, 2012 at 9:58 pm #

      Thanks Loo. I am glad you didn’t get defensive about my premarital advice to you. Love you. Miss you.

  6. GinAndTulips August 8, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    Well, I’m not sure where I sit with any of this…but I enjoyed the read. Thanks 🙂

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