23 Mar

The five letter word that no one wants to talk about.

“I am not angry. I am just a little upset.”

“I am just pissed but I am not angry.”

“I got aggravated but not angry.”

It is ok…to get angry.

Getting angry is part of being a living, breathing person.

The reason people don’t want to talk about “it” is because they are afraid of anger.

They see anger like when the big, bad wolf got angry in the child’s tale.

I am angry right now as I write this because my laptop screen keeps collecting little particles on it and it “irritates” me. Yes, irritation is anger.

I think the most common level of anger people experience is “frustration”. Due to peoples’ limited amount of patience and tolerance for things that don’t go their way, frustration tends to sneak in often.

Since I am a “professional” mental health provider, I have heard and read a lot that anger is just the “secondary” feeling, covering for the “primary” feeling that lies under it.

Meaning, if I show anger, there is something else going on underneath that anger like “disappointment” or “hurt”. I don’t buy that, really.

I think disappointment can cause anger but one can experience anger without any other feeling.

So most of us were exposed to the big, bad wolf and how mad he got when the three little pigs wouldn’t let him in their homes. The wolf became so mad, that it turned into rage which is usually when bad things happen.

When one escalates to rage, he usually loses control and causes damage to someone or something like when the wolf “blew” the houses down.

IF we don’t cope with our everyday “anger” properly, it can turn into rage eventually.

I believe that is what happened with O.J. Simpson when he killed his ex-wife, back in 94′. Yes, O.J. did finally confess to killing her in a book that he helped put together. O.J., in his own words, had been trying to cope with Nicole’s unstable behaviors for years. She was up and down and all over the place. But, on that night, the perfect storm of anger formed and O.J. blacked out and killed her. I have to give to him credit though, he really attempted to cope with her the best he could for years but finally snapped.

I believe that is the reason behind so many other domestic killings, especially the murder-suicide types. The spouse attempts to endure and endure but one day he or she snaps, unable to cope anymore with their anger toward that person and probably the world as well.

The same thing happens with child abuse. The parent, unable to keep coping with their child’s “unwanted” behaviors, that he or she severely abuses the child they say they love.

So I have looked at the downside to anger, but what about the upside?

When used properly, anger can be the catalyst for change. If one doesn’t get angry, why should he want to change?

Do you think Abraham Lincoln was angry about the practice of slavery? Damn right he was! When he first witnessed slavery as a young man in New Orleans, he was so angry with how one person mistreated another just because of their skin color, it motivated him to WALK all the way back to Illinois. From that point on, his anger pushed him to end slavery as we knew it.

Yes, my friends, the next time you get angry, don’t suppress it, use it for good. And if you are having difficulty doing that or coping with someone or some situation, share it with someone you trust. It is simply amazing what can happen when we share our struggles with the right person.

God Bless you!


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